It has been noted that I consider myself better than WHN's family. They're right. I do. And I am proud to say I have passed along this attitude to Beans. When it comes to the machinations of WHN's family, I am a first rate snob, and I like it that way. Beans does her familial duty by WHN's people, and I say that's all that's required of her. The reason I feel this way is because...
The site for the annual reunion used to be held in our hometown where most all of the family members lived or at least had a short drive to reach. The host for the occasion had built a backyard pool with a beautiful deck attached. He did this to have just the kind of party the family reunion is supposed to be. While the reunion was held there it was very well attended. The only problem, and this was mainly my problem, was that the host's children were intolerable brats. No one else seemed to mind that, or maybe they just knew a good place to have a reunion when they saw one and didn't want to make waves. I'd rather have eaten my hamburger standing in the middle of a corn field with bugs and a hot sun beating down on me than eat anywhere near those intolerable brats, but that's just me. As I said, I'm the snob of the piece.
One year the host's pool and deck became unavailable for the reunion. As a matter of fact, the host, his wife, and his intolerable brats became unavailable to attend the reunion at all. The reason for this was because of WHN's new wife. I'd divorced WHN whereupon he eventually married his old mistress who was also the former mistress of our past family reunion host. The host and WHN are cousins, and it appeared they shared a bit more than family ties. They also shared an interest in the same woman as well as the same work place. Eventually their little three-way attracted the attention of both the boss of their company and the host's wife. Neither of those two women reacted well at all. The boss fired both the host and WHN; the host's wife went to see "the other woman" and generally made everyone's life hell until that relationship deflated faster than an inner tube holding the intolerable brats would have if I'd only had the nerve to stick a pin in it.
For a while there were problems finding a place to accomodate the yearly gathering. And then another cousin moved to a different state, got involved in an affair with a co-worker at his place of business, and when his wife found out about it, he got dumped faster than you can say intolerable brats survived hypothetical inner tube drowning. He moved to a farm and took on boarding horses as a side line. That's how the family reunion got moved and how horses became invited guests.
Now WHN is the one who won't come to the family reunion. He could go, but if he were to do that others would be very unhappy about it. WHN's wife has managed to alienate all of WHN's family. She has threatened to have WHN's daughter, Beans, arrested. She has interfered with WHN's older daughter's relationship with her father so that there ceased to be one. She has begun a feud with WHN's sister. No one ever fights with WHN's sister. She has trouble stringing two words together that make sense much less engage in a verbal battle of name calling. WHN's wife has insulted every member of WHN's family to whom she has ever been introduced. Another of WHN's cousins, who really didn't spend much time with WHN's wife at all, told me he had this urge to use some ancient VooDoo ritual to pull WHN's wife's brains out through her nose. That particular cousin is supposed to be close to genius in mental aptitude. I defer to his intelligence and think the rest of the family should do the same.
So, it appears that those eligible to attend the family reunion are growing smaller and smaller in number. Big Dumb B, WHN's brother-in-law, will be leading the cavalcade in driving to the reunion site. Since Big Dumb B drives like a bat out of hell, we can only hope everyone survives the trip there and back again. They will be spending at least 4 hours on the road just to have a few hours with the horses and the food, which will attract those gigantic horse flies, and a swimming pool. They will also sit around and talk about the people who didn't show up and probably rake WHN's wife over the coals. I'd be interested in hearing if the rocket scientist cousin has any new ideas for what to do with WHN's wife's brains, but since I'm not invited and wouldn't do the four hour drive just to hear him opine on the subject, that's out of the question. Instead Beans and I will stay put and be thankful as all get out that we aren't reuniting with that family any longer.
