This one is a no brainer. John Bolton's approval as Ambassador to the United Nations is being held up by the cratz and a few pubz in the Senate Foreign Relations Committee because: John Bolton allegedly yelled at some State Department people in the past. Whoaaaaaa!  And let me guess... these people ended up not feeling very good about themselves.

I say what better place to put John Bolton than right smack in the middle of the United Nations.  And instead of being a detriment to his approval, that alleged yelling thing should be the very reason why it's a no brainer to pass him with flying colors. There is no place that needs to be yelled at more than the United Nations. Further if we aren't going to pull out of that joke of an organization completely, which apparently we're not, then at least let's assign someone to represent us who has balls. Big Balls! And if John Bolton fits the the bill, then by all means HIRE HIM already!

Because I am a news junkie, I have listened to the non-stop coverage of pope john paul's illness, subsequent death, and the almost unbelievable polishing of his image that stretched on for weeks. I also patiently watched and listened to coverage of pope ratzi's election to the papacy and observed from across the pond his ascendency as Benedict 16. While news bunnies went on and on explaining why he chose that name and put a very positive spin on it, all I could think was how appropriate it was that he chose the name of a traitor. Because pope ratzi certainly has enough information in his background to fit the image of one who betrays.

For one thing, I believe this is the first time I have ever heard  excuses made for someone who belonged to a Nazi organization. Surely others who have been tied to Nazi groups, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger's father,  should be given the same  explanation for their service as pope ratzi received. Put that association back into the time frame in which it happened -- participation in such groups was expected. To do otherwise was to face a horribly uncertain future. But Arnold's father's association, no matter what explanation went with it, was ripped out the context of time and given a negative spin. It was supposed to be a contributing factor toward stopping Arnold's election as Governor of California. In pope ratzi's case, an association with Hitler's Youth was excused and given a positive spin. He may have had to be a member of that group, but boy, did he ever hate it. Yeah, right. The indoctrination that went with belonging to anything Nazi is completely overlooked before it is ultimately forgiven. If association with Nazis is bad for one, it's bad for all. But if it isn't, then why doesn't the excusing of such activity equally apply to all?  Only Spin Doctors have the answer to that one.

And then there is pope ratzi's service in Hitler's Army from which he defected. He defected.  Imagine, if you will, if such actions could have been pinned on George Bush during his service in the Texas  National Guard. It really doesn't take much of a stretch to imagine such a thing. Just ask Dan Ra^ther. The suggestion that George Bush did not fulfill his service requirement was used to prevent him from serving a second term as US President. It's considered a crime. But for pope ratzi we see abandoning his country as a valiant act. Anyone who suggests that this behavior puts his loyalty in serious question is quickly silenced. Because now he's a pope and popes only do popely things. Even when they don't. Even before they were elected pope.

And then there's the business of pope ratzi's reputation as cardinal and best friend of pope john paul 2. He's been tagged as The Enforcer and The Kneebreaker. Yeah, this is a kindly and benevolent man. This is someone to whom we could warm right  up. The people in his own country didn't agree with his selection as pope, but hey, what do they know? They're just the people from whom he chose to defect.

I'm not Catholic. It really makes no difference to me if that group of people want to ordain josef ratzi as pope or Mickey Mouse because I wouldn't pay attention to either one. But since my tv was hijacked to sing the praises of and deify the image of one pope and to get ready to canonize the image of another, I figure that gives me some say in the matter.

The hypocrisy in this papal nonsense is overwhelming. pope john paul the great, as he's now being called, held the papal office during the worst sexual scandal in religious history. He was aided and abetted by josef ratzi and men just like him. Who speaks for all those children? Sure, the ones who sued now have big bank accounts, but that doesn't give them the innocence of childhood back again. And further, as just another reminder that we don't speak of such nasty things in public, pope ratzi is installed to make sure that holy image doesn't get tarnished in the near future.

• I heard former Ambassador to the Vatican Ray Flynn say, "The Catholic church is rooted in truth and tradition." He also said, "This pope's election was inspired by divine intervention."

After I stopped laughing so hard, I wrote that down so I wouldn't forget what he actually said. The catholic church may be rooted in tradition, but truth????? Really???? Awwww, c'mon. Obviously Former Ambassador Flynn has not read  The DaVinci Code... but then that would be a sin for him, wouldn't it? That's another of those books the catholic church considers not suitable for public consumption. It does shatter a few myths. And we sure can't have that while pope ratzi is up there doing his best to make sure all those myths stay firmly intact.

As appalling as I found the picture the catholic church was projecting during the past weeks, I was equally appalled by the way the media slobbered and fawned all over it. Chris Jansing was in tears just describing the conclave's final vote. Chris Matthews nearly wet his pants at the majesty of it all.  It was enough to make me gag.

It has been pointed out to me that the behavior of a few should not tarnish the image of the whole group. That's a very simplistic way of looking at the lies and cover-ups and payoffs and intrigue and irresponsibility that exsits within the catholic church. And it certainly does not excuse the promotion to pope of a man who helped orchestrate the whole show. Just ask Bernard Law... he's in the Vatican now, you know. Doing masses in memory of the dead pope. Remember Bernard Law? He used to be in Boston. He was a child molestation enabler. Hell of a nice guy though. Just like pope ratzi.

I just heard John Altman, a state Representative from South Carolina, give a rather tortured explanation for why cockfighting will become a felony in South Caroline, but Criminal Domestic Abuse will not.

I don't know how long Representative John Altman has held his position, but if it's longer than the past 5 minutes then there is no excusing the statement he made that in South Carolina there are no loopholes in their laws. Puhleeeeeze. Laws are written so that someone can find a loophole to circumvent them. Everyone knows that. Except Representative Altman.

But wait... this gets better.

Keeping in mind that in South Carolina there are no loopholes in Domestic Abuse laws, that's why cockfighting will become a felony. Huh???? you may be saying to yourself while scratching your head in confusion.  Yeah, me too, but fortunately Rep Altman explained.

From Rep Altman's point of view, cockfighting is a heinous and unforgivable pastime.  Not only that but there are accomplices. So South Carolina had to strength its cockfighting laws, which apparently were just chock full of loopholes unlike the Domestic Abuse laws,  not only to catch the head of the cockfighting ring, but also manage to include those accomplices.  The proposed loopholeless cockfighting law will rid South Carolina of this scurge on humanity once and for all. And anyone who gives a fat rat's ass about cockfighting can now rest easier at night in South Carolina.

Tuesday Is Choose Day 

Would you rather:

Your ears be bleeding OR your eyes?   Definitely the ears. How am I supposed to do entries and read other blogs if my eyes are bleeding.  Besides, they don't make little drip cups for eyes - there's no place to hang them, but I could probably find drip buckets for ears, and there'd be a place to hang the darn things. So that's one's a no brainer. Definitely ears.

Smell like  vanilla cake frosting or fresh cut lime wedges?  Another no brainer since the aroma of  vanilla can get very nauseating after a while. Besides, the smell of vanilla cake frosting is sweet which would attract all kinds of bugs. There's nothing much worse than a bug swarm circling one's head. Or gnats. I hate it when a gnat attack hits. So definitely lime wedges. I don't think limes attract flies and ants, so no bug swarms. And no being nauseated either.

Get comments on your hair OR your smile?  Hmmmmm. Since I don't care all that much about my hair, it would have to be my smile. Not that I don't want my hair to look nice, and I do whatever I can to make sure that it does, but hair is a superficial thing to me. I'd rather someone notice my smile because it more accurately says something about me.

Have an addiction to coffee OR to bubble gum? Gotta be the coffee. I have never understood how people stand to chew those big wads of bubble gum. That hurts my teeth to have that huge lump of sticky stuff in my mouth. When I chew gum all, I only chew 1/4 of a piece because I don't want such a big glob of stuff in my mouth to talk around.  Besides, bubble gum doesn't really come in the excellent flavors coffee does. I love coconut coffee and pumpkin spice is to die for.  Yep! Gotta be the coffee.

So, we've got the White Smoke which indicates a new pope. Olbermann may not be happy about that since he just started a new segment on Countdown called Pope Conclave Puppet Theater. I was kind of looking forward to more installments, but there you  go.... Cardinals apparently have no sense of the ridiculous.

Except maybe they do.  The new pope is Cardinal Ratziner, a 78 year old German. The picture being aired of him on MSNBC shows the wild eyed stare of a demented Nazi wearing too much lipstick. Since earlier reports indicated that, in his youth, Ratzinger was indeed part of the Nazi party,  that photo does speak volumes.

One of the details mentioned about Ratzinger is that he was looking forward to retirement and a more quiet life of reflection with his books. Now that is not to be. C'mon. If the guy didn't really want to be pope, why was his name bandied about for weeks as a candidate. You mean he couldn't have modestly declined and stated the obvious -- that he's just a bit long in the tooth to be accepting a brand new job with enormous responsibility.

Ratzinger has indicated he will be known as pope Benedit XVI.  Those describing him more frequently use the term "caretaker" to describe what his papacy will represent. In other words, there will be few if any changes. No liberalism shall rear its ugly head while pope Ratzi is running things. We can only hope this if it ain't broke don't fix it mentality will not extend itself to the attitudes concerning child molestation.  Unfortunately there is little to indicate that we can count on that from the Catholic church as it currently conducts business.  Recently another huge monetary award was granted to another group of molested boys.  So it's business as usual and pope ratzi isn't expected to change any of that business.

Which makes me wonder why all those people in St Peter's Square are cheering. I find the constant attention and celebration of this papal selection ritual offensive since the organization being lauded here has far more in common with NAMBLA than it does with religion.

Frankly I think this new guy should have kept his own name as pope. It seems much more fitting to call him pope ratzi than it does to call him Benedict.

Tuesday Is Choose Day:

Would you rather:

have starr jones over for dinner OR mike tyson?  Definitely Star Jones. She's less scary,  is very interesting,  probably has better table manners, AND more than likely she prefers her meat to be from an animal AND cooked.

put cheez-whiz on everything you eat OR marshmallows? Cheez-Whiz because I eat a lot of veggies which go much better with Cheez-Whiz than they do with marshmallows, unless you're eating my former SIL's sweet potato marshmallow casserole which was usually burned and inedible.

hitchhike everywhere you go OR walk? Are you kidding? WALK!!! I saw Monster, and even though that guy on HBO's Hitchhiker was hot, he was also weird and so were the people who picked him up!

dress in lederhosen for a week OR nothing but a grass skirt and coconut bra? I think the lederhosen is a more practical choice because II have yet to see a coconut half that I could fill up (if you get my drift), I would think coconut shells would chafe, and I get itchy from grass. 

I never have trouble losing. Ever.  I'm perfectly content to keep last place warm so that those more worthy than I am can win.  It's not that I like to lose. It just seems to come naturally so why fight the inevitable.

So imagine my surprise,... no let me rephrase that... my unbelievable SHOCK when I was winning the Shitty Blog Of The Month poll for April. Not only am I not worthy of such an honor, but I have no idea how to do an acceptance speech. I mean, for starters, who do I thank? 

So I tried to lose. I begged and pleaded for my readers to vote for one of the other two contenders who deserved this prize far more than I do. It didn't help. As it turns out, I am, indeed, the Shitty Blog of the Month Winner For April.  I am almost too overwhelmed to type.

First, I would like to thank Jeckles, the Fearless Leader of The Shitty Blogs Club for his inspiration at beginning this outstanding group.  I am almost over my snit with him at being too stubborn to fix the poll so I wouldn't win.  He truly is an ethical blogger... dammit.

I would also like to thank my Muses, Sheila and Cindermutha who actually read my drivel and come back again!

And last, but never least, thanks a bunch guys for all of you who voted for me in spite of my on-my-knees-pleading-and-begging to lose this darn contest.  You have doomed my site to wearing this ugly-as-sin button. But I guess, as old whatshisname said when he gave me the roses that made my eyes water, my nose run, and my throat close up... It's The Thought That Counts.

Thank you.

I don't know when I've been so busy! I've got a Funeral bright and early tomorrow morning, and on Saturday I've got a Wedding to attend that will also be in the beginning hours of the AM.  I hope the participants in these rituals don't mind, but I'm wearing pajamas to both.

I have never claimed to be a Domestic Diva. I like to cook, but when it comes to house cleaning and laundry, I'll do it because I must. As far as I'm concerned, though, house cleaning ranks right above toe nail clipping and right below sticking pins in my eyes. There are far too many things that are more interesting to do than clean the house.

And THEN I found out about Swiffers! I've become a dusting fool because I love Swiffering!  I stand at the ready with my little Swiffer tool in my hand just waiting for dust to settle so I can Swiffer it away. And the thing is, Swiffers do exactly what their ad says they'll do. Swipe a couple times with the Swiffer, and *poof*... no more dust. And no dirty cleaning rags. Just a nice little box with more Swiffers and my handy dandy Swiffer handle.

Now I need to live in place that has linoleum floors so I can get a Swiffer wet jet or whatever that floor Swiffer thingie is called.  I may start a blog so I can write about the wonders of swiffering.  I know, this is nuts. What can I say? Swiffers are my life.

begin tacky<
I know this is tacky. I KNOW it is. And it's mostly directed to news junkies who, like me, watch or listen to cable news during most waking hours.

How many death watches will the media broadcast back to back?  MSNBC is broadcasting live from the Vatican. Chris Jansing is babbling non-stop on the off chance that the pope will die at any moment.

I've noticed two things so far:

1. the pope does not have a camp.
2. Like Terri Schiavo, the pope does have a legacy even though no one seems too sure yet what exactly that is.

The new phrase for knocking on death's door is: Serenely Resting.

The new term for having a catheter that caused a urinary tract infection is: common to people to are frequently hospitalized.

/end of tacky, with no promise that it won't return later.>